“The cool thing about being famous is traveling. I have always wanted to travel across seas, like to Canada and stuff.” Britney Spears
“I don’t eat friggin’ lobster or anything like that. Because they’re alive when you kill it.” Nicole “Snooki” Polozzi
“California wildfires are being magnified & made so much worse by the bad environmental laws which aren’t allowing massive amount of readily available water to be properly utilized. It is being diverted into the Pacific Ocean. Must also tree clear to stop fire spreading!” Donald J. Trump
“Only two things are infinite, the universe and human stupidity, and I’m not sure about the former.” Albert Einstein
“In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.” Napoleon Bonaparte
After spending four weeks in Montebello battling belligerent beavers, we concluded a road trip to Canada could relieve our combat fatigue. What better destination to forget about a beaver infestation than Canada, where the beaver is their official emblem.
As we prepare to cross the ocean to Canada, we hope our car is seaworthy enough to complete the voyage. We did not contact Ms. Spears for any navigational charts, although I did consider posting the photo of her and her beaver leaving that New York limo some years ago. Alas, I do not believe the censor would approve.
The lobster issue will be addressed by insisting the kitchen only kill dead lobsters or have the live ones served to us fully cooked.
We are concerned of the level of the ocean. If the Californians and Canadians heed Mr. Trump’s sage advice and end their shameful environmental policies of diverting massive amounts of water into the oceans, we may need to find an alternative route. The fake news, who nonchalantly call these massive diversions ‘rivers’, have not reported on the effect on the Saint Lawrence Seaway. Sad.
However, if Virginia could immediately adopt and implement a comprehensive tree clearing policy, perhaps by the time we return, we could permanently eliminate all forest fires in the state and force the beaver population to relocate to another state.
On this road trip, only the first day and the final day, when we return home, will involve any long drives. According to Google, tomorrow’s 450 miles should consume a little more than eight hours. We are accustomed to lengthy drives.
Leaving Philadelphia, driving alone to Las Vegas for 2,500 miles, took me about three days in 1974. During that journey I stopped and watched a Pirates game in Pittsburgh and another baseball game in St. Louis, drove through the night once, spent a night in a hotel, and unrolled my sleeping bag on a picnic table at a rest stop on the third night. The only difficult part of the journey involved driving a car through the desert without air conditioning.
More recently in 1999, Todd, age 11 at the time, and I drove from Plano, TX to Evansville, IN to pickup Garrett from college. Garrett could not drive the car since he was not on the insurance policy, so I drove the 1,500 round trip for 21 straight hours, only stopping for a short nap at a rest stop three hours from home.
For at least 20 years and 38 years ago, Lois and I typically drove the 1,500 miles from Plano to Philadelphia, in less than 24 hours on an annual basis. Even last year, Lois and I drove the 1,200 miles from Plano to Montebello, in eighteen hours, stopping only for gas and bathroom breaks. An eight hour drive is duck soup or at least a piece of cake.
With Alex, our landscape engineer, fully trained in tactical beaver warfare and Ken, our house guest, committed to a relentless surveillance schedule, we feel confident the beaver wars could be successfully waged in our absence. Hopefully, Lois has not secretly deployed Stanley in our absence. Stanley, who lives on the property, can be lethal.
In the early morning hours on Monday we will weigh the anchor, hoist the sails, and chart a course for Niagara Falls, with a port of call in Cheektowaga, New York, outside of Buffalo. Hopefully we will avoid Brittany, Snooki and The Donald during our travels. America needs them here at home.