Where Did Alex Hide the Bodies?

‘Beavers all over’ : North West Territories communities place $100 bounty on Canada’s national animal. May 29, 2018

Beavers are not considered a pest species and the program is marketed as harvesting incentives and not a cull. They  must show an official the stretched beaver hide or packed meat as evidence the animal is being used. Program materials distributed to hunters and trappers warn that dumping the beaver carcass is considered wastage and is illegal under the Wildlife Act. Fewer people eat beaver meat, Gruben said, but the hides are useful. She has two pelts right now she’s using to line snow pants.


In the 17th century,  the bishop of Quebec requested his superiors to rule on eating beavers during Lent. Since the semi aquatic rodent swam proficiently, the Church decided the beaver was a fish, problem solved. Religious dogma never fails to amaze me.

Prior to our Canadian trip, we observed Ward, June, Justin and Wally several times a week. Since our return, no sightings have been confirmed, and there is no evidence of their presence detected in the ponds of Dead Mike. At first, I suspected their absence to be a coincidence. But the in the words of Jethro Leroy Gibbs, “There are no such thing as coincidences.”

Occupational hazard, I think not
Red Eagle, doubtful

My suspicions turned to the dark side. Did the right wing fanatics engage the industrial military complex in my absence? As the only animal rights defender, the only progressive liberal willing to stand up for the poor, the weak, or the disenfranchised, I prepared a list of possible perpetrators. Finding no anonymously authored op-ed articles in the New York Times, I diligently investigated other avenues.


The romantic in me placed foreign mercenaries, probably from Russia, at the top of the list. While no traces of Boris Badenov had been noted, Natasha has been spotted driving on Fork Mountain Lane on several ocassions.


The next name added to the list  of deplorable suspects, Stanley. If something happens in Montebello involving a weapon and wildlife, you are obligated to place Stanley’s name to the list. As a proud deplorable, he would be insulted if not included. But slowly a third suspect emerged from the fog of obscurity, Alex. Had he turned to the dark side? Has the innocence of youth been corrupted by a lucrative assination contract? Alex, where did you hide the bodies?





2 thoughts on “Where Did Alex Hide the Bodies?

  1. While I appreciate the initial hard detective work that on your investibeaver case, I urge you to leave this alone as you might spiral down a rabbit hole that you might not ever come back up.


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